tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post3673839087965947955..comments2009-08-19T12:05:59.078+12:00Comments on fan fiction group 3: Ugly Betty Fan FictionFrankhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07106448824633699950noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post-85475593536983747572009-08-15T21:08:13.334+12:002009-08-15T21:08:13.334+12:00Hey Ying that was a great fanfiction! I haven’t wa...Hey Ying that was a great fanfiction! I haven’t watched ugly Betty in a long time so reading this makes me want to watch the show again! I love how you did your fanfic on Daniel and Betty, because I love their relationship with each other, because they’re always there for each other and are a lot more than a boss and an assistant.<br /><br />I think Taz pretty much covered the whole story so I only pointed out some little bits of mistakes of the past and present tenses that’s all…<br /><br />“Her voice faded out when she walked away from my office.” I think this sentence should be “Her voice faded out when she walked away from his office.” Because all through the story you are talking from a second person point of view not from first person point of view so the my does not fit in that sentence.<br /><br />“Oh, oh, I have to ring mom and tell her about this.” “She knew it.” I think in this sentence you got a bit mixed up with the past and present tenses which is something I am not good with either but I think this is how it’s suppose to be. Instead of “She knew it.” It should be “She knows about it” because the situation that they are in is not in past tense it’s in present tense. I’m not sure if that makes sense but that’s the best explanation I could come up with.<br /><br />I think you did a really good job with your fanfic! You develop each character right and you develop the emotions that Daniel was feeling really well. And I think Betty deserves her braces getting taken off too! =]Belinda Khunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12888634731789132332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post-1508837252978350272009-08-14T19:15:50.011+12:002009-08-14T19:15:50.011+12:00Thanks Frank. I will try to make it subtle. That i...Thanks Frank. I will try to make it subtle. That is truly where the beauty comes from.Ying Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11897467289915485027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post-583404464474814192009-08-14T19:13:00.981+12:002009-08-14T19:13:00.981+12:00Many thanks Taz. You did spend a lot of time on my...Many thanks Taz. You did spend a lot of time on my fanfic. I am very appreciated. Molly is Daniel's wife in the TV series. Actually, I have not seen it for quite a long time. Sometimes, I just took a glanc at. <br /><br />To be honest,I was really really struggling on the grammar of the fan fiction. I referred to some fanfiction, but damn still I could not find the correct grammar to write my own fanfic. I was kind of waiting for you guys to pick them up. Naughty girl.Ying Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11897467289915485027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post-18054559341604623422009-08-12T16:09:16.423+12:002009-08-12T16:09:16.423+12:00ugly betty with the braces off - an expected endin...ugly betty with the braces off - an expected ending but that's what you do with the genre<br /><br />try to be a bit more subtle in places glad to read s/t i am familiar withFrankhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07106448824633699950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post-66002996253823267262009-08-12T15:04:42.373+12:002009-08-12T15:04:42.373+12:004) The next day, Daniel WAS STILL IN HIS bed WHEN ...4) The next day, Daniel WAS STILL IN HIS bed WHEN HE HEARD someone knocking ON his door. Daniel opened the door AND saw a young brown-hairED girl standing outside the door. She was about 25 and looked very slim and clean, but her dress WAS just like a floral table cloth, just like Betty. But, her dark eyes, her dark eyes lookED so warm and familiar. “Good morning Mr. Meade, I am your nurse Anne. Your assistant called me…” And her voice, it sounded just like… “Can I come in?” Anne said. Daniel made a welcome posture to let the nurse in. From that day on, Anne started looking after Daniel.<br /><br />5) A few days later, DANIEL AND ANNE STARTED TO get along quite well. One day, Daniel asked Anne what her dream was. Anne REPLIED “My dream is to run my own Magazine.”<br />“Really? This is the same dream as Betty’s” “Betty WOULD always say that she is a strong, smart and professional woman.” Daniel looked at her with surprised, “how do you know that?” DANIEL ASKED ANNE. “That is because I am Betty.”<br />“What? I cannot believe it.” Daniel stopped and looked at this person WHO Claimed that she was Betty. “Your t…” Daniel pointed TO HER teeth while he was speaking. “They have been taken off.” “AND your hair”.<br /> BETTY REPLIED “I dyed it and got a haircut.” ” and your” Daniel looked at her face<br />“I had a beautician teach me how to put make up on without putting on too much. And, I have to say thanks for the experience of working at Mode. Otherwise, I could not get to know that beautician” Betty said with a big smile. Daniel asked “so, you are not some sort of Nurse Anne?” Betty shook her head. “Ha, ha, ha,” Daniel was over the moon when he saw a new Betty standing in front of him. He still could not believe his eyes. “Oh, oh, I have to ring mom and tell her about this.” “She knew it.” “What?” "She knew you needed someone to look after you and she found me and asked me to come back to help you. She wanted to make it a big surprise. So, she arranged this. Your mother really cares about you.” Daniel nodded and gave Betty a big hug. “Thank you so much Betty. I love this surprise”<br /><br />You also have some mistakes with you past and present tenses, but I’m no expert with that so I left them for someone else to fix lol.<br />Sorry for rewriting the whole thing again, just thought it would be easier.<br /><br />Looking forward to reading your next draft. Good luck=DKalbonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04419838162642718600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2862632163573175705.post-84574083409668629932009-08-12T15:04:32.530+12:002009-08-12T15:04:32.530+12:00Hey Kathy great Fanfic! Who wouldn’t actually imag...Hey Kathy great Fanfic! Who wouldn’t actually imagine how Betty would look like without her braces and her hair nicely done lol.<br />I am not a huge fan of Ugly Betty myself so I don’t actually know if Molly was a character on the show or if you had added her as a new character, but even still, I enjoyed reading your Fanfic.<br /><br />I really liked how you made Daniels emotions seem so real, I was starting to feel his depression! Lol. And I also liked how you kept it simple but at the same time you’ve mentioned the important things like the death of Molly, Daniels sadness, Daniels constant remembrance of Betty etc…<br /><br />The only thing is you have some grammatical mistakes, so I will tell you what I picked out. I have put the changes that I have made in CAPITALS:)<br /><br />1) Molly was diagnosed WITH cancer before they got married. During the past one year Daniel was living in constant fear and living in a shadow of one day God will take his wife Molly away, “What am I going to do then? Will I have the courage to live?” Daniel kept asking himself. Sometimes, Clair (Daniel’s mother) would go to his place to comfort him. But the only thing he saw was her lips moving, nothing else. The day finally came, Molly died on Tuesday afternoon at their apartment with peace. That was her final wish to die at their apartment. After Molly’s death, Daniel could not fall Asleep. On the funeral day Daniel forgot how he left the cemetery. The next MORNING, when he woke up, his mother told him that he fainted at the cemetery AND THAT HE WAS DRIVEN BACK HOME STRAIGHT AWAY.<br /><br />2) AFTER A WEEK (or however long you prefer) Daniel WENT back to work at Mode (magazine’s name), he lookED like a man with no spirit. HIS Dad and Alex both died, he really needed someone to give him strength to face the life ahead. He looked at THE desk where Betty used to sit. Now, there is SOMEONE ELSE sitting there. Betty was gone for a long time because she had big aspiration which MODE COULDN’T offer her. He couldN’T stop her and he DIDN’T. Betty, HAD been loyal to this company ever since she stepped into Mode, she really helped Daniel and THE company a lot and Daniel really misseD her.<br /><br />3) ONE EARLY MORNING, there was someone knocking ON Daniel’s office door. Daniel did not want to answer it, BUT WHEN the door opened Daniel opened his heavy eye lids. <br />“Wilhelmina” Daniel whispered<br />“Daniel, I am sorry for your terrible loss.” She sounded sincere. Daniel thought Wilhelmina HAD ALWAYS wanted to see me sad and defeated, why is SHE suddenly consoling me?<br />“But, I think I have the obligation to tell you this is not what Mode wants. So we have decided to let you have a holiday” Wilhelmina continued TO SPEAK in a totally different tone.<br />“Who are we?”<br />“The board members”<br />“Right, you have thought about how to get rid of me” Daniel said with carelessness AS HE FELT A little angry. <br />“O, And, Based on such a poor status you have now, I am going to hire a nurse to look after you 24/7, how does THAT sound?” She said with a little smile on the corner of her mouth. <br />“What trick are you playing this time?” Daniel thought<br />“Thanks for your concern Wilhelmina.” Daniel stopped “I’D rather stay at home alone and IF I really need someone to look after me I will let Betty…” Betty’s name slipped out, Daniel forgot she was long gone and he still could not remember his CURRENT assistant’s name. A bitter smile was on his face. “I will let my assistant find a nurse to look after me.” Daniel said without looking at her. <br />“O, well, it is up to you” Wilhelmina said with a little smile still “As long as I know you will be well looked after.”<br />“How long DID you people decide my holiday will be”<br />”well, you don’t need to ask me. You can come back as soon as you feel you are ready” her voice faded out when she walked away from my office.Kalbonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04419838162642718600noreply@blogger.com