Monday, August 10, 2009

Gilmore Girls: Rory and Jess Fanfiction: (First Draft)

At the end of the last season of Gilmore Girls on the final episode I was extremely disappointed that Rory had ended up with no one, and most of all I wanted her to end up with Jess. So here goes my first fanfiction on how Rory and Jess end up together on the final episode on Gilmore Girls. Hope you guys enjoy and remember it’s only a draft!

After the graduation party that the good people of Stars Hollow threw for Rory, she went for a walk along the street by herself, and started thinking about her life and how far she has come, she had finally reached her dreams, and she was going to leave her family and friends and her home town. She knew Stars Hollow was one crazy town but she loved it, she loved the people, she loved the beautiful memories that her and her mother created here, but she knew she had to move on to bigger and better things.

Rory’s mind started drifting off on to Logan’s proposal, she still couldn’t believe he proposed, but deep inside she knew it wasn’t right and she couldn’t say yes. As Rory continued walking while her mind was still drifting off she saw a dark figure standing in front of her, she couldn’t picture who it was in the dark, but that figure seemed so familiar like she knew that person, the figure was heading towards her closer and closer, and stopped right in front of her and said, “Rory?”

Rory stood there frozen unable to speak or move is this who I think it is? She thought to herself. She took a closer look at him and she knew straight away it was Jess that was standing right in front of her in Stars Hollow. She hasn’t seen Jess in years, she didn’t know why he was back here.

“What are you doing here?” she managed to finally say.

“Luke told me about your graduation and your big break as a journalist, I came to congratulate you.”

“So you came all the way from New York just to congratulate me?”

“Well yea, I mean this is such a great opportunity for you and you’re pursuing all your dreams so I’m really happy for you Rory Gilmore.” Would he really come all the way to Stars Hollow just to congratulate her? I mean he doesn’t even like Stars Hollow she thought to herself.
She turned her back on Jess and started heading towards the party again. People might be looking for her she thought to herself, after all the party is thrown for her, she quickly walked away but could feel at the back of her head Jess still looking at her. Once the party was over Rory walked on her own home, Lorelai was probably spending the nights at Luke’s she thought to herself. As Rory headed towards her front porch she saw someone sitting there waiting for her, she moved in closer and to her surprise saw it was Jess again.

“What do you want Jess?”

“A chance to talk to you.”

“About?”

“About everything, like how have you been since the last time I saw you?”

“I’ve been good I guess, what about you? Are you going to write a second book?”

“Maybe one day but not right now, I just want a long break to give me time to think and breathe.” Look Rory the real reason why I came to Stars Hollow is not just to congratulate you but also to talk to you about us, Luke told me about you and Logan.”

“I don’t know Jess, there’s no more us anymore you know that. I’m still having a hard time dealing with the Logan situation and now you came all the way from New York to talk about us is making me more confused, please understand Jess.”

“I do understand but before you say anything I have to tell you this, I know the last time I saw you we agreed to be friends, but the more I think about it the more I don’t want to be just friends with you anymore. All these years you had Logan but me I had no one ever since that day I left and went New York I’ve never stop thinking about you Rory, it’s been you all along and it will always be you.”

“No Jess you can’t say these things to me right now, it’s not fair. I’m not ready to be in a relationship with anyone especially you.”

He headed towards her more, and held one of her hands. “I’m sorry for doing this to you right now, but I can’t let you leave and not tell you this, I cannot let this perfect opportunity slip away, I Love you Rory, I always had, I just didn’t know how to tell you.” As much as she didn’t want to admit it she felt right standing there looking into Jess’s chocolate brown eyes, he looked so sincere. She could feel her heart do a little twirl inside but she didn’t know why after all these years of not being with Jess she had thought she was over him, but how could a few minutes of talking to him now could change everything.

Right at that moment Jess continued to look into her eyes and he leaned in and gave her a soft, delicate kiss on her lips. Rory had never felt so confused in her life she was leaving tomorrow, she just got out of the biggest relationship of her life and was still sad about it and now Jess is back. Even though she was still confused about the situation she couldn’t help but kiss Jess back. She didn’t know why she kissed him back, but she knew it felt right.

5 comments:

  1. Hey Belinda great story. I'm a big fan of Rory and Jess myself so to see them get together in the end was awesome!!! I really liked how you kept your story simple, not getting many characters involved in the situation, but at the same time you mentioned the important ones like Rory, Lorelai, Luke, Logan, and of course Jess. I also liked how you concentrated on Jess and Rory, and Rory's feelings for Logan.
    Just a couple of grammar mistakes I picked out along the way ;)

    In the second paragraph the second to last line "...person, the figure was..." you should put a full stop instead of the comma after 'person' it makes the sentence flow nicer

    Second thing is I think you added a " accidentally in this line "right now, I just want a long break to give me time to think and breathe". Because if it is still Jess who is speaking, then you don’t need the " until the end of paragraph where there is one, so I guess you just need to get rid of the one after 'breathe'

    Third thing is this "Jess, there’s no more us anymore you know that" I think it would sound better if you just said "Jess, there's no us anymore you know that" because the word 'more' doesn’t fit in correctly.

    "left and went New York". Just need to add a 'to' there.

    “He headed towards her more, and held one of her hands” I think it would sound better if you say something like “He walked towards her and held one of her hands”

    “But how could a few minutes of talking to him now could change everything” this sentence doesn’t sound grammatically correct, because first your saying how could a few minutes…, and then now could change everything. I think you should just say “but how can a few minutes of talking to him, now change everything”

    “continued to look into her eyes and he leaned in and gave her a soft, delicate…” you can change it to “continued to look into her eyes AS he leaned in and gave her a soft, delicate…”



    Other than that everything else looks fine. I really enjoyed reading it, hope to see the completed version soon.
    Feel free to read and comment on mine=]

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  2. Hi Blinda, that is a very good story. I really enjoyed reading it. And,Taz's comments is very specific. I just want to point out that at the end. You wrote that She didn’t know why she kissed him back, but she knew it felt right. I just dont understand why Rory suddenly felt right? She has always been confused with the relationship with Jess. Actually, her relationship with these two boys were a big mess. I think she really needs time to concentrate on other things. The story ends like that,do you feel it is a bit unconvicing? I think Rory is a smart and rational girl. If you have not changed the personality of Rory. I think she would reject jess. That sounds more smooth and convincing.

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  3. Hey Belinda!

    Cute story! I love the happy ending and the change-up in the story! I have seen gilmore girls a few times but Im not an expert so there is alot of things I didnt know, but regardless I still got a good understanding of the story and was able to really appreciate what you wrote! A few recommendations i would make and corrections are these...

    1. For people like me who are not as familiar with the show, It would be nice if you had a few links to sites explaining the characters and the setting. Im not to sure what Stars Hollow is.. maybe its the town they live in? but i feel like i would be able to picture the whole scene a bit better if i had some sort of pictures or background to look at! You did a great job in the first paragraph that explains the last episode and how you wished it was different!

    2. In the beginning of the story you explained how Rory was walking around thinking about how she couldnt marry logan.. but towards the end you said that she wasnt ready for a relationship and she broke her other one off!? Im not to sure if she was still with logan when she kissed jess or if they had already broken up and when she was walking she was just confirming that she did the right thing? I would recommend clarifying that a little bit more in the beginning!

    3. Through out the story you have a bunch of lines that say something like "....Rory thought to herself" but it is quite a dramatic change from the sentences before because it goes from narration to first person really fast... for example... "Rory stood there frozen unable to speak or move is this who I think it is? She thought to herself. " It might work better if you wrote it like this..

    Rory stood there frozen, unable to speak or move. Is this who she thought it was?

    or

    Rory stood there frozen, unable to speak or move. She thought to herself "Is this who I think it is?".

    or something similar to these two would work!

    4. Be careful of run on sentences, especially in the first sentence! It has so much great images and information so you might want to spread it out so the reader can enjoy it more rather then giving it all away in one sentence! Just turn some of the commas into full stops and so on!

    5. Make sure you start a new paragraph after the dialogue to show separation from that and the narration! for example..

    “Well yea, I mean this is such a great opportunity for you and you’re pursuing all your dreams so I’m really happy for you Rory Gilmore.” Would he really come all the way to Stars Hollow just to congratulate her? I mean he doesn’t even like Stars Hollow she thought to herself.

    put a space after .. "Rory Gilmore" and then do what i explained above with the switching from first person to narration! The dialogue is great though! It did a really good job allowing the reader to really understand their character and how they were feeling!

    6. In this paragraph..

    “Maybe one day but not right now, I just want a long break to give me time to think and breathe.” Look Rory the real reason why I came to Stars Hollow is not just to congratulate you but also to talk to you about us, Luke told me about you and Logan.”

    I think you added an extra " by mistake after 'breathe'.. because he continues to talk after with say "look rory"... so just erase that one and keep the one in the beginning and end!

    Other then these, I think Taz covered the rest! You did a wonderful got and I really enjoyed reading this and getting a sense of the whole tv show!

    -Elana

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  4. wow thanks everyone for giving me such good advice and feedback! I will take all your advice into great consideration when I do my final copy of the fanfiction.

    I had no idea I had this much mistakes till you guys read it for me thankyou so much I really appreciate it!

    I hope I can fix it up and make it a better fanfiction

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  5. Your story has prompted a lot of feedback people must find it very interesting

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